When things with Mr. Chlumsky were clearly dead in the water, I kept at it. I reached out to a few guys who seemed compatible and received radio silence in return, I received a few new messages from wackadoos with the standard "what up, beautiful?" (ignored those) and I gave others a chance. Life is life and I had to just continue to move on from Link and I was thinking the best way to accomplish that was by meeting someone new.
The next week there was a mutual "like" and a follow up message from a man I will call refer to as Ralph (did you know ralph is another word for vomit?). I participated in the whole back and forth thing. After giving me his number, he seemed to want to text a lot and I replied to his messages, though he sent more than I would normally expect. He said he new to online dating and only talking to me which, though chivalrous in nature, is not a communication standard for these websites. I appreciated his candor and continued to hit the ball back when he'd lob it over to me.
Not wanting to waste time on a dud, I suggested we meet up for a happy hour sometime soon. We agreed on a day. As we were texting there were a couple other red flags (which I definitely picked up on). One time he asked me what my "height requirement" was for guys. I said it was an odd question and that I thought there were lots of guys out there my height (5'5") who might be great, so why put a requirement on someone? He said, "well, I definitely meet that at 5'11" and I would never date a woman taller than I am!" Clearly... he was behaving like a closed minded douche canoe, but I said we'd go out, so we might as well meet.
Note: If I'm 100% honest with myself and those around me, I do prefer a guy to be taller than me. It is one of those gender stereotypes that plays to my feminine insecurity about being terrified of being "bigger" (read: heavier) than the guy I'm dating. However, the older I get, the more I realize that height is just a thing none of us can control and we shouldn't be punished for. Though we can't control our height, we can control our minds. If I am attracted to someone and click with them mentally, I'm not going to freak if he can look me in the eyes or *maybe* look up to me.
The night before our date, I think he wanted me to communicate with him consistently, but I had plans with my friend (sorry 'bout ya). It was very odd behavior, but he said he was new to online dating, so maybe it was just that he was unaware of online dating norms and not that he was an obsessive turd.
The day of our date, I texted him and he proposed a time and place to meet. I checked my schedule and quickly confirmed. He wasn't as chatty, but I thought communicating 24/7 was odd to begin with, so I was going to just wait and see how our meeting went.
What happened when I went to meet him? HE STOOD ME UP.
The restaurant was busier than normal and the bar was packed and had a band playing, which is not necessarily how I want to meet someone and talk to them for the first time, so I got us squared away with a spot I could hear someone else and texted a couple updates, "This place is busier than I thought it would be." "Not to worry, I got a table upstairs." "Are you still coming?"
SILENCE. Are you f-ing kidding me?!
I sat there for 30 minutes. 20 minutes into waiting, I told the waitress I was being stood up and ordered a salad to-go. She was a doll and paid for my beer for me saying simply, "Girl code." and I couldn't have been more appreciative.
I'm not sure if I saw him walk in and then he walked out or if it was my students catfishing me, but I feel like I saw him walk in, look at me, and leave. Infuriating.
This is where I question whether or not karma is an actual thing in life. I feel like I've done my due diligence with guys I've been out with. Yes, I have walked into a first date before and the moment I met whomever I've known full well there would never be a second date. However, when each of you has put yourselves out there to meet, both parties should act like decent humans, stay for 30-60 minutes of conversation and give the other person a chance to at least be seen, heard and validated as a worthwhile human being. It is disrespectful to leave someone hanging without a word in a restaurant by themselves. If it is truly a "no," you are honest and after chatting for a little while, say so. If you have any integrity at all you DO NOT stand someone up.
Based on his stupid questions and some of the things he said to me, I'm betting he saw me and I didn't meet his narrow-minded standard for feminine beauty or whatever. Little does he know, I'm a friggin' catch. If he just wants to have a beautiful stupid woman with mediocre taste in men (any woman who can't see through his B.S. would have to be both idiotic and lame), then he should go find her. Chances are he'll go through a second divorce since his priorities are clearly all kinds of f-ed up and he cares more about the package than what is inside.
NEWSFLASH: the package someone is in changes overtime, the brain behind the operation is what you should be concerned with.
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